Has this ever happened to you?
You meet someone online—a fellow business owner, blogger, or freelancer.
You start chatting. You become friends. You take things offline and start to hang out in “real life.” You meet up for coffee and brunch. You share your wins and woes. You get matching friendship bracelets. “Business Besties Forever!” It’s a beautiful thing.
But then… at a certain point, things change. Your supposed business BFF becomes… kind of a bummer.
YOU: I just launched my new class and 100 people signed up! I’m so excited!
BUSINESS BESTIE: {sad face} I wish my class would sell as good as yours.
YOU: I’m really proud of the blog post I wrote this week.
BUSINESS BESTIE: {long sigh} I hate writing. I should just quit everything.
YOU: OMG! I finally got booked on that podcast—the one I’ve been trying to line up for, like, a whole year.
BUSINESS BESTIE: {jealous tone} I never get invited to be on podcasts. Can you introduce me to host so I can get booked on that show, too?
YOU: {seriously???}
Ugh.
These types of supposed business besties are the opposite of supportive.
They struggle to cheer for your accomplishments because all they see is their failure. Their focus is 100% on themselves… not on you.
If you’ve got a “friend” who is behaving this way, what should you do?
You’ve got a few options:
1. Boo, bye. You can simply choose to stop engaging with this person. Stop accepting invitations to hang out. Explain that you’re unavailable. Create distance. Fade the relationship out of your life—like the business equivalent of “ghosting.”
2. Real talk. Instead of “ghosting,” you could try to improve the friendship. But you’ll need to be honest about how you’re feeling. You can express your discouragement tactfully by saying something like:
“When I share something that I’m excited about—like getting booked on a podcast—I’m hoping that you’ll celebrate with me instead of immediately asking for a favor so that you can get booked, too. That puts me in an uncomfortable position. I’m sure you can understand why. I value our friendship, so if there’s anything I do that makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable, I hope you’ll be honest with me and tell me, too.”
3. Choose new friends. You don’t have unlimited time and energy, so it’s important to choose your personal and professional relationships carefully. Surround yourself with people who truly care about you. People who are capable of “giving” to the friendship—not just “taking.”
If you’re like, “But I don’t know where to find those kinds of friends!!! I am a sad, lonely panda all alone in my bamboo forest of desolation!”… I would encourage you to choose one person that you really admire and put energy towards strengthening that one relationship.
Reach out to one person. Invite that one person out for a business brainstorming brunch—or a “workcation” at a cool destination. Start there.
In other words: rather than obsessing over how to get “tons” more friends, start with one relationship that you’d like to deepen.
You may find that—once you’ve got the right types of business besties in your circle—you don’t actually need that many. It’s about quality over quantity.
Take five minutes—today—to reach out to a friend that you love, or someone you’d like to know better—and do something to make that relationship stronger.
It doesn’t take much to be a good friend. A few words of encouragement. A helpful resource. A client referral. A testimonial. A hug. Or if you really want to rock someone’s world—go to moo.com and get custom stickers made featuring her dog. And… #done.