Not getting the comments, likes and shares that you crave? Behold: the Silent Obsessor.

Not getting the comments, likes, and shares that you crave? #entrepreneurship #blogging #onlinebiz #melissacassera

“Melissa, I just don’t get it.”

My client was frustrated. I could feel the misery in every word of her email.

“I’m putting all this effort into creating free content for my business audience,” she continued.

“Seriously: TONS of time and energy. I’m publishing new blog posts, creating free challenges, e-books, everything. I’m having fun and it all feels really good, except, when I put stuff out there… it feels like it is just going into a black hole. I’m lucky if I get one or two comments. Nobody seems to even care. Is anyone even reading?!”

I wanted to reach my arms through my laptop and give my client a big, comforting hug. Her feelings are totally understandable.

I mean, sure — when you get a fabulous blow-dry, get your nails done, get your hair did, get all dolled up like Cookie from Empire in your gold snakeskin jacket and diamond bling, strut into the club, and nobody even GLANCES at you? You’re going to feel like throwing a cocktail in someone’s face. (Or curling up in a dark corner and crying.)

Nobody likes feeling “invisible” — especially after putting in so much effort.

But here’s the thing:

Just because certain people in your business audience aren’t commenting, re-tweeting, clicking “like” or publicly sharing your work at the level you hope for… doesn’t mean they’re not LOVING you. (Or willing to BUY from you!)

There’s a particular type of customer that I refer to as The Silent Obsessor.

If you feel like people aren’t paying attention to your work? But you’re doing really, really GREAT work? Chances are, you might have a lot of Silent Obsessors in your audience.

Here’s the character profile:

Silent Obsessors can often be…

– Introverted and / or shy. The Silent Obsessor is someone who prefers to stay out of the spotlight. Uncomfortable with being “seen” online. Prefers privacy (doesn’t want commentary to be trackable and show up in a Google search.)

– Extremely busy. CEO, doctor, lawyer, a fixer from Scandal. Someone who literally doesn’t have time to hang out and comment on blog posts or chime in with witty anecdotes on Twitter.

– Turned off by chaos and commotion. Big online forums with hundreds of voices chirping away? Not the place for The Silent Obsessor. He (or she) will be drawn to intimate experiences — anything with direct and personal access to you. (Think: a cozy workshop for just 8 clients in your home.)

– Social media drop-outs. More and more people are actively choosing NOT to use social media (like, at all) these days. My friend Alex is a perfect example. But just because she’s not chattering away on social media doesn’t mean she’s not savoring and enjoying… or purchasing people’s work!

– Deep thinkers. After enjoying your work, Silent Obsessors often prefer to digest, mull, and meditate upon what you’ve just said — rather than instantly leaping to “respond.” Alternately, your piece of content might be so well-crafted and complete, they feel like, “I literally have nothing to add! Bravo!”

– Uneasy about being “seen” with you. If your business deals with subject matter that is considered “taboo,” “dark” or “shameful” by most of society (think: addiction, overeating, depression, repairing a marriage, getting out of debt, Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired spanking paddles, whatever!) that means most of your customers will be engaging with your work… in secrecy.

This is completely reasonable. Silent Obsessors don’t necessarily want “the whole world” to know about their private suffering (or secret desires…). Respect that. Every human being is entitled to his or her privacy.

Bottom line:

There are ALL KINDS OF REASONS why someone in your business audience might be a Silent Obsessor.

NONE of these reasons have anything to do with you or the value of your content.

Your job, as a business owner, is to find a way to honor your Silent Obsessors — creating opportunities for them to connect with you in a way that feels safe and delicious for them.

A few tips on how to honor your Silent Obsessors:

– Create opportunities to connect with you, privately.

One easy way to do this is to include a little “PS” at the bottom of your newsletters or blog posts, beneath your videos, on the final page of your e-books, etc.

PS. Have anything you want to share with me on [topic of your content]? Reply back and let me know. I’m all ears.


PS. Did this [piece of content] resonate with you? Or, got a question that you’d like to see me address in the future? Email me to share your question. And if you’d like your question to be anonymous / confidential, just let me know. 🙂

– Reach out to people in your community, one-on-one.

Think: personal emails, texts, hand-written notes, private Facebook messages just to check in. Thank them for being part of your community. Ask them for coffee (live or virtual). See what’s happening for them. What are they struggling with?

– Put together a yearly feedback survey. Make it anonymous.

Ask your Silent Obsessors which pieces of content they liked most — or didn’t. Find out what they are seeking advice on, now. Gift people a little “thank you” gift for participating in your survey — like a motivating music playlist, a digital book, resource collection of your fav tools (whatever makes sense for your biz!)

And hey… if YOU happen to be a Silent Obsessor type, too?

There’s NOTHING wrong with you. Celebrate your quiet ways.

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”

― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Word. Enjoy your quiet, joyful workday.