Unless you live under a rock, you’re probably familiar with Fifty Shades of Grey.
Tortured billionaire falls for innocent girl. Madness ensues.
The overlying theme of the book?
CONTROL.
The male love interest, Christian Grey, craves total control.
And — at least, before the doe-eyed Anastasia stumbles into his office and rattles his entire world — he won’t settle for anything less.
Christian is so obsessed with control that he creates an iron-clad contract that all of his girlfriends, or rather “submissives,” must adhere to.
His expectations are crystal-clear. There is no “gray zone.” His subs know precisely what they can expect from him — and what they, in turn, are expected to give.
Obviously, Fifty Shades is a work of fiction … but there’s a lot that business owners can learn from Christian’s style of setting boundaries, communicating his needs + desires, and handling his, ahem, “business.”
If you’re an entrepreneur, freelancer, coach or consultant who’s been struggling with a “problem child” client — someone who constantly asks for more than you’re willing to deliver … calls/emails/texts you at 2am with a panicked “did you get my last message?” … followed up with a call/email/text 3 hours later … or constantly makes excuses about why they can’t uphold their end of the bargain — it’s time to lay down Fifty Shades of Boundaries.
Get ready for…
Three guidelines to help you create a productive, mutually-satisfying partnership with your clients … inspired by everyone’s favorite dominant, Christian Grey.
Here we go:
1. Be excruciatingly clear about what you will — and will not — do.
So many business owners get squeamish about speaking in specifics.
They’ll promise things like “a 60-minute consulting call” or “email support” or “time for Q&A” without outlining exactly what that entails.
Would Christian Grey use such vague language? Never.
In Fifty Shades, he creates a highly specific checklist of sexual activities, and insists that Anastasia tick off exactly which ones she is willing to try: Caning. Spanking. Bondage. Yup, it’s all there, in print.
Ana knows exactly what she’s getting herself into — and so does Mr. Grey.
Plain as day.
You can follow Mr. Grey’s lead by creating a simple document for your client — ideally, at the beginning of your work together — and divide the doc into two columns:
“How We Roll” and “How We Don’t.”
Then, write out exactly what your client can — and can’t — expect from your relationship.
For example:
How We Roll
Pop me an email with a list of possible names for your upcoming program, and ask me which one I like best, and why.
How We Don’t
Pop me an email asking me to come up with a list of names for your program, because you’d rather watch the latest episode of Scandal than do any work.
2. Pick a safe word.
In Fifty Shades, Christian encourages Ana to choose a “safe word” — a word that she can say whenever things are getting too intense, to signify that she needs a time-out, ASAP.
It’s a little unorthodox, but … why not assign a safe word to your clients, too?
It may seem ridiculous, but using a safe word can allow both of you to open up honestly when things aren’t going so great — with no hard feelings or resentment involved.
For example…
You could kick-off your first phone call with a client by saying something like:
“The work that we’re going to be doing together is going to be super fun … but, I know from experience that it can stir up some pretty strong emotions, at times.
I’m going to be pushing you to blast through your excuses and hit your highest goals.
That might make you feel freaked out. Occasionally, you might even feel mad at me. Or you might have a particular need that, for whatever reason, I haven’t been meeting.
If our work together is ever feeling too intense, or if you’re ever feeling uneasy or disappointed, I want you to say your safe word — [insert word here, like “muffins”] — or send me an email using that word as your subject line.
That will let me know that we need to ‘pause’ and have an honest talk about what’s not working — and figure out how to make both of us feel good, going forward.
Similarly, if there’s something I need to say about how to make our work together feel better, I’ll use the same safe word with you. Cool?”
Getting an email with the subject line “muffins” is way better than getting one that says, “you suck” or “I can’t take this anymore!”
3. Dole out rewards … and (very) gentle spankings.
Everyone wants to be praised and rewarded for a job well done.
You certainly do. Your clients are no exception!
So, make sure to reward your clients for good behavior.
Delivering a reward can be a subtle way to reinforce the boundaries of your working relationship, too.
For example…
Look at you! You just took initiative, all on your own, without second-guessing yourself.
I’m really proud that you trusted your instincts.
And guess what? You’ve totally earned an iTunes season pass to Game of Thrones. Kapow!
Check your inbox for your present. Enjoy. And again: I’m super proud of you. Great work. 🙂
Of course, there’s always a time and a place for (very) gentle spankings, too.
If your client is getting completely out of line, being over-demanding, or simply ignoring your agreed-upon guidelines, a simple statement like…
It sounds like you’re asking for __________, but that’s not part of our agreement.
Here’s what I can do, though: ___________.
… can usually set things back in order.
Follow these three guidelines, and I can practically guarantee that your partnerships with clients will be smoother, happier and ultimately, more productive.
Mr. Grey would be so proud.
And so am I. 😉